Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
whose parrot is this?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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