I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
