they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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