So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Pooping to opera.
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