dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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