True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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