remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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