i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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