apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The adults are the big ones right?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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