Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
