matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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