my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
