Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
