I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
