dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
my poor anus
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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