It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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