OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
