So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
