shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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