batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
