We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
