Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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