3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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