I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
