I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Randomize
