So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
