I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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