It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
