Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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