my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
is wine microwaveable?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
