why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
