I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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