The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
