WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize