Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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