She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
