It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
