My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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