tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
