her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
