That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
