i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just want nice things and good sex
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize