You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
