My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize