there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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