ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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