i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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