Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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