i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
