awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
