I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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