So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
