I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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