went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize