Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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