Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
