He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
