You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Pants are for mortals
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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