We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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