just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
