I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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