Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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