Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
