If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
