I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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