It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize