We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
