I'm gonna have a badass scar
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
