The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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