i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
