I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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