We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
