I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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