we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
