We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
