She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
