dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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