the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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