I hate all girls vehemently.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
