he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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