So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
