youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize