then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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