I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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