I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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