dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
