Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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