remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
