we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
