Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
