Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Its about making memories worth repressing
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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