I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
