There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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